The Modern Bride; or, Tackling the Groom Debate

10 May

This second review of a Modern Bride article is a little less scathing.  Find it here, but I do have some issues with it.

Jonathan wanted a wedding.  I did not.  He wasn’t sure what he wanted, all he knew was a traditional style wedding, but he knew he wanted one.  He offered to plan one, if I decided we could have one.  Ultimately, I am the one doing the planning, but mostly because I have time.

I think it does men a great disservice to assume they don’t want to do any planning.  I also think it can undermine the beginning of a marriage for the bride to be the “coach” (of the wedding planning) and for the groom to be the “player”.  What strikes me most about so many of the Modern Bride article (and their kind) is a) the assumption that the entire wedding is only the Bride’s idea and b) the groom can’t do much.

We are in 2010, and it is now more common to see women as the breadwinners and men as secondary earners. Even MORE common is the couple who pays for the wedding themselves.  Just from a practical point-of-view, why haven’t the writers at Modern Bride and every other Bride Magazine caught up?

I think more couples plan weddings together, as a true partnership.  You know, the kinds of partnerships that make good marriages.  The key to planning well is knowing each other’s weaknesses and strengths not, as the article puts it, simply delegating.  Giving him a task list and overseeing his execution of said list.  What is he, 4?

Jonathan loves to cook.  Is excellent with food and choosing meals.  He is the primary cook in our home.  Catering is entirely up to him.  He knows what I will and won’t eat and his friends are the ones catering it.  As long as there is food.  He also drinks more than I do, and enjoys beer, which I hate.  Choices of beer on tap at our venue as well as the signature cocktail they will make for us is, again, entirely up to him.  Don’t ask me, I don’t care.

I am good with finances.  Planning money, where and when we pay for things, as well as looking for cheaper alternatives.  He writes the checks, but I keep a VERY close eye on money and what we will pay.  I check our budget all the time and edit numbers as I see fit.

We are both pretty wacky people, so our “Save the Date” and wedding invitations will be inspired by things I have see on Offbeat Bride and Broke Ass Bride, but we sat down and brainstormed.  We looked online together, IM’d each other with new ideas, etc.

The problem with the article, from some dude who now hosts a website called Groom Grove, is that he actually writes like he is a….bride. Why isn’t he writing as a groom?  This sentence

Believe it or not, if your fiancé has a number of defined tasks, he’ll make sure to get them done right, if for no other reason than to impress you (and your mother).”

implies that he is involved, only because you asked him to be and he wants to impress you.  You’re marrying the man.  Shouldn’t you, on some level, be impressed?  And if you are engaged and part of a team, shouldn’t he be invested in the wedding as well?  Another favorite sentence:

For example, consider the myriad wedding transportation options available and assume that’s one of the tasks he’d enjoy planning (hint, hint).  

Apparently, Grooms should consider transportation options because they like cars and this seems to be one of the only tasks they may excel at. I feel pretty sorry for whomever married this dude.

Of course, finally the article tells you to let the Groom deal with the Groomsmen.  If your husband-to-be can’t even handle this, your kids are screwed.

Again, what I find appalling is the overwhelming sentiment that the Groom wants little to do and that he needs to be “coached” like a kid.  Weddings should be planned together, to reflect the tastes of both individuals.  While traditionally it has been the Bride’s show, since her father was selling her off for a dowry, we are now WELL past that.  Two people can plan a fun, awesome party together!  Let’s stop reading Modern Bride and think for ourselves.  (Don’t stop reading it too soon, or I won’t have anything to blog about).


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