When I was a kid, I thought that people who had low thyroid were HUGE. Like, hugely obese.
I have always had some weight issues. It’s funny…when I was in HS I was a boredom eater. As I got older, and more concious, my eating habits got much better. Less fast food, better portions, more veggies. I still gradually gained weight. Thought it was age. Thought it was genetic. Still listened to my mom talk about food, try to control my own eating, things she percieved as bad. Isn’t it odd? As women, if someone is fat we are SUPER judgemental and it is always that persons fault. Jonathan is good, he rarely talks about food to me. Aside to feed me fruit or make me dinner.
Anyway, I was diagnosed with hypo thyroid. Which turns out to be why I feel tired ALL THE TIME and why, even th0ought I really do live in a calorie deficit, I still gain weight.
It’s like a weight I didn’t know I had has been lifted from me. After being on the medication for 3 weeks, I am finally experiencing life as a 33 year old. I am not longer a desperate homebody, I no longer want to nap for 4 hours or go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 8am. I can finally imagine having children because I am no longer exhausted.
The challenge is I now have to identify as a different person. For a decade, I have identified myself as a person who required a lot of sleep. Someone who needed rest, who liked to always stay home. These aren’t jsut part of my thyroid…I am more of a homebody and I think naps are delicious, but I don’t HAVE to be that person. I have to entirely redefine who I am.
I am hiring a personal trainer (for cheap) and I am going to therapy. I can’t do this on my own, but I can do it with some help.
Looking back, I should have seen the symptoms….but we so associate weight with being lazy. And we are so unforgiving of ourselves. And as women, we judge each other so HARSHLY. I mean, my MOTHER has hypothyroid. She was diagnosed at MY age, but instead of suggesting this to me, as she listened to me weight and exhaustion struggles, she just told me I need to lay off carbs. My own mother. My loving, doting dear mother…didn’t even tell me I may have the same problem and assumed all my problems were just me. Good God.
Again, I don’t think it is ALL thyroid. Would I rather play WoW than run/walk? Sure, but for me it was so much easier to make that decision because I was SO TIRED. I once tried to run every day, hoping the energy would, well, energize me (as I had been told it would). It made me more exhausted.
So I am looking forward to a new life.
I have discovered one thing though: if I read the clock wrong and take my meds at 1am…it won’t help and I may as well not have taken it at all.