I have decided to write a book based, somewhat, on my blog posts. It will be called:
The Angry Bride: How One Woman Was Forced to Plan a Wedding Against Her Will and Did Not Murder Her Fiance.
Or something like that. Or course, we have to make it to the end to know if I did, or did not, kill Jonathan. Five more months! You see my face on the evening news, you’ll know I used the meat cleaver on him.
I feel better today. There are still no wedding guarantees. I am headed to therapy to get on top of this…seriously. I hate so much of this process so deeply, I cannot enjoy even the IDEA of marrying Jonathan. In order for me to be able to continue, I have to talk to someone. Yes, we CAN just elope, and in two weeks, we will know if we are canceling. We have talked about just doing it in Alabama when we are down there to visit my family for Thanksgiving. We have talked about that more seriously than we ever have before. Why is D-Day in two weeks? My sister-in-law and HER sister-in-law…which makes the second woman my sister-in-law-in-law? Anyway, these two lovely women are planning a shower for us in Fl. I really don’t want a shower if no one gets to witness our wedding.
So therapy for me…breath holding for everyone else.
It’s hard to describe in a post why this makes me so crazy. This is the best way I can think about it: think of the worst job you ever had. This is that. The worst job I ever had was at a venture capital firm with a bunch of self-centered finance guys who needed trips to Australia last minute and all sorts of annoying, expensive details. Planning my wedding is like planning one of those trips. Joyless. Aghast at the amount of money spent for a weekend. Hatred of the phone call after phone call after phone call.
In order for this to work, I have to NOT equate wedding planning to a job that I quit only AFTER the worst day I had caused me to come home and drink HALF a bottle of vodka and wake up in my own puke. First and ONLY time I ever did that.
Anyway, I feel better. Mostly knowing I can jump ship and it will be ok.