Here’s the deal: my parents belong to a huge church, the same church I grew up in, and, while I love it there, I really wanted to get married in my home. New York is home. Also, I did not want my parents to have to fork over money. They are way past retirement age and, even if my dad never retires, they should travel, buy second homes (ha!) and generally live life without needing to purchase another wedding. Finally, I knew I certainly did not want to have to plan a wedding remotely.
To solve this we have a small list of people invited in New York. Currently, our list runs just under 100 people. We will then have a huge reception in Florida where my mom can invite all the people who couldn’t make it to New York or who I didn’t know (or remember) from my childhood, etc. I figured it would be something simple: cake and punch, meet and greet.
My mom called yesterday, talking about “decor” and “catering” and when I tried to say that I thought she was already overboard, she shut me down.
Here’s the thing: Jonathan and I are going to end up with a bill of at least $14,000 for this wedding (and I know $14,000 for a NYC wedding is CHEAP)…PLEASE don’t spend $5,000 on an additional reception in Fl. Shit, we can really use that money to offset our wedding costs!
My mistake. I told her to do what she wanted, which was a BAD idea. She is not an obnoxious mother-of-the-bride, but I can tell she feels VERY unsettled not being able to have anything to do with the wedding One of our recent conversations went like this:
Mom: What do you need me to wear? What color?
Me: Don’t care. Whatever you want is fine.
Mom: Um, ok. [pause] Will the family be involved? Do we need to do anything?
Me: Sure, probably some readings and stuff, haven’t decided.
Mom: [another pause] ok. Have you found a wedding dress, figured it out?
Me: Nope, stopped looking. Will resume the search mid-March
Mom: [loooooooooooooooooong pause] ok. Well. OK. I have to go, honey.
She probably wants more structure than I currently have. She wants to know more, be involved more, but there’s nothing for her to do…and as a result she’s going to throw half the cost of my wedding at, what should be, a cake and punch reception in Fl.
Have I mentioned how much I hate weddings?