There are several very important distinctions between marriage and wedding. I want to make one thing very clear: while I am pretty sure I hate weddings (and, from here on out, will do everything in my power to always be in Southern Chile whenever I am invited to one…so don’t invite me…seriously), I love love LOVE my upcoming marriage to Jonathan.
I want to be married NOW. I want to say I am his wife and I want to call him my husband. I often do anyway, but I want it to be real. I tell him, often, how much I hate being engaged. I might like it more if I liked wedding planning, but we all know I hate THAT so…I just want to be married. I honestly don’t get the big damn deal of a wedding and I never will. I am just counting down the days until April 30, not so I can have my wedding, but so all this bullshit will be done and I can be MARRIED to the man I love more than anything. Married. The rest of our lives together, wherever, whenever and however that ends up being.
I love Jonathan. There are probably a ton of things you don’t know about him and may never, but he is unbelievably gentle and kind. He has this really tough outer shell, a product of his childhood, but with me, he is so much fun. He sometimes drums when I sing absurd and silly songs to the cats, he laughs out loud when I talk to them like they’re little people. He tolerates me jumping on him with enthusiasm when he comes in the door. Sometimes, when he hugs me, I am wiggling and bouncing…once I collided with his chin. His simple response, “ouch”. Whenever he touches me, puts his hand on my knee or my back, wherever, he does so with utter purpose, but in the most subtle, gentle way. Like he is afraid of alarming me, or inadvertently hurting me. Just his hand on my knee in the car, after he has guffawed with laughter at something I have said or done, is done with such utter care.
Not me. I wave my hands wildly, pretend to do the “Vulcan Mind Meld” on his face (which inevitably results in a finger in the eye or n0se), dive on him on the couch, sometimes with an accidental knee to the groin. I am like a bull in a China shop. Not him. Never him.
So you see, dear readers, I could care less about our wedding. A day of expense, time, exhaustion that interests me utterly none…but I cannot WAIT for our marriage.
To close out with something super cheesy,
“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.” A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
Happy Valentine’s Day