Colombiana: Movie Review – no spoilers..seriously, and I fixed my spelling

30 Aug

This is weird, I know.  It’s not really in theme with anything I do, but, whatever, I sort of feel compelled to write about it.  Plus, I’m bored.  You’ll survive.

So Jonathan and I go see Colombiana yesteday – it’s right in that genre we love…guns and shit blowing up.  I am not, never have been, a Rom Com girl (unless it has Sandra Bullock who’ll fall over or dance stupid and I love her for it).  Jonathan and I like Michael Bay…did something blow up?  Luc Besson…did someone pull out a million guns?  Jon Favreau…were there guns AND things blowing up?

Colombiana is your basic Colombian drug cartel revenge movie.  Yes, there are underlying themes (the CIA protecting baddies, why we should shoot Bernie Madoff, etc), but at it’s core it is a revenge movie.  What I LIKED was that there were no concessions made because Saldana is a woman.  Does she have a sex scene?  Yes…so did Daniel Craig and Thomas Jane and Colin Farrell…in whatever movies they were in when they played bad asses.  Is the main character conflicted?  Yes, so was…see above list.

It is fascinating.  Luc Besson, who wrote it, didn’t seem to play up anything because Saldana was a chick.  As a matter of fact, I can totally imagine that movie with Craig or Farrell or any number of male “action” stars.  She struts her sexiness, but so do the boys.  The plot is about as groundbreaking as whole wheat bread, but aren’t they all?  Again, what I am fascinated by is that you could switch out Saldana for any man and you have the same movie.  Odd gender equality at it’s finest.  They even give her the charge of threatening another character’s entire family, “You’ll go to one funeral a week until I get what I want” which is super cold, and some reviewers took exception, but would that reviewer be so mad if Thomas Jane had uttered those words?  Likely not.

I guess what I am saying is Colombiana is your basic action flick.  (Although the final fight scene is not so basic).  It stars a woman, and not a man, with no concessions made because she has a vagina and boobs.  That’s awesome.

PS.  In the final fight scene, it was choreographed so well to account for the fact that Saldana WAS a woman, thus making it more realistic.

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