What I Know About Marriage: 6 months later

31 Oct
  1. Having a marriage license does NOT mean your spouse is required to do everything you say.  Booo.  Let’s make some changes to that, m’kay?
  2. Even though he says he loves me, Jonathan will still not (after 6 months of marriage) do the following things at my request: perform a frontal lobotomy when I feel I have gone over the edge, drill holes in my sinuses or ear drum if the pressure gets too high from allergies, remove an eye to inspect the source of my headache
  3. Jonathan WILL do the following: look into my ear with a flashlight when I insist an egg laying roach lives there, he will also look up my nose; however, he will not stick tweezers in either place to be sure.
  4. If you go to grad school, you can get your spouse to do all your chores, by saying you’re “tired” and “have a lot of homework” and “school projects”.  The downside to this plan is you actually ARE that busy and you never get laid.
  5. Marriage is FUN!  That’s what I keep telling my husband over and over and over and over and over and over and over…
  6. Despite all of my meticulous planning, marriage does not mean that a birthday party will be successful.  Your success rate may be the same as when you were dating: which is now 0 for 3 (in my case).
  7. Marriage does not equal children.  Ask me one more time.  Go ahead.  I have a knife.  ASK.
  8. Marriage is sharing: in our case marriage is Jonathan sharing and me not properly learning sharing since kindergarden.
  9. Marriage is patience: in our case, marriage means Jonathan has the patience of a saint and I have the patience of ice on a Florida sidewalk in the summer.
  10. Marriage means never having to say “I’m sorry”…BULLSHIT.  Marriage means saying I’m sorry…a LOT in my case.  I am sorry for being a total whackjob.

Those are the 10 things I know about my marriage.

And I still am sorry for being a nutcase, but you knew that when you married me.  Happy 6 months and one day!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: