Me: Did you paint your toenails? (Jonathan has a toenail fungus)
Jonathan: Yes. No. I don’t remember. [pause] What the hell are you doing?
Me: The vulcan mind meld to help you remember, or at least extract the memories.
Jonathan: That doesn’t actually work.
Me: Yes it does.
Jonathan: No it doesn’t. Star Trek was fiction.
Me: It DOES work because I just found out you DIDN’T paint your toenais
Jonathan: So now you just make shit up?
Me: It totally works. Look, I’ll do it on Stewart and ask him to stop putting his paw on my face [mind meld with Stewart] See! It worked! He stopped doing it!
Jonathan: You are completely insane. [pause] Oh for fucks sake, NOW what are you doing?
Me: I just put an idea in your head
Jonathan: Even with TWO hands the VULCAN MIND MELD DOES NOT WORK. What did you try to put into my head?
Me: If I told you what I put there, we couldn’t see if it was going to work.
Me: Let’s talk about something else and then you will do the idea I put in your subconcious
Jonathan kisses me.
Me: THAT’S IT! THAT’S WHAT I TOLD YOUTO DO! IT WORKS!
Jonathan: We were in bed, it was pretty likely at some point I was going to kiss you and then go to sleep
Me: But I told you to do it NOW! It works!
Jonathan: You are completely and utterly insane.